It's 11 A.M. Is today over yet?

Its been awhile since I've blogged. That must mean there has been another poop story. Yup, you got it. WARNING: This is not for the weak...must have iron stomach to read. Okay, now you are officially warned so I am not responsible for any nausea this may cause. Lets start from the beginning...
Monday Night 8:45 p.m. I arrive home from work RIDICULOUSLY early. Which is good because I am exhausted, bad because if I am home early, not making money. The Tiki Bar was the slowest I've ever seen. I got a few mosquitos drunk, thats about it. So I am home and thinking to myself "yes, I am finally going to get a good night's sleep on a night that I worked, whoohooo this is great" So I really live it up and enjoy 2 beers while watching Empire Boardwalk with Scott. I am feeling really wild, so I stay up until 11:00 the rebel that I am. I mosey on up to bed.
2:30 a.m. My door flies open and Mason runs into the room like a ball of fire and jumps in bed with us. I tell him that he is not sleeping with us and try to bring him back to bed. FAIL. Now he is screaming and crying and clung to me for dear life INSISTING that he NEEDS to sleep with me. What is a sleepy mom to do? The kid is breaking my heart. Bring him in bed of course.
4:15 a.m. Mason is still awake, can't sleep because he is so excited to be in bed with mommy and daddy (this is a very rare event). So he spazzes out every few minutes....FOR ALMOST 2 HOURS. Meanwhile, Scott is sleeping through it all, snoring like a champ. I don't even think he knows The Mase is in bed with us let alone jumping all around like a maniac. So I give Scott a good elbow to the back and evict him to the downstairs couch. To heck if he is going to sleep soundly while I deal with Mr. spazzola. Humph. Finally, pushing 4:30 Mason passes out. At 6:58 the recycling truck comes and wakes me up. Mason is still hibernating. Wakes up at 8:05.
8:15 a.m. I am sitting on the couch sipping a MUCH needed cup of coffee, wrapped in a blanket with Mason on my lap because it is super chilly...of course Baxter the dog has to be in on the snuggle party, so he is in there too. I am like "what the hell is that smell? It is disgusting. I sniff Mason, clean. Sniff Baxter...BINGO. I smell fresh poo. WTF?? I kick everyone off my lap. Then I see a glob of poop on my bare leg where Baxter was sitting. I am like "OH MY GOD, THERE IS POOP ON ME"! So Baxter is scared to death by my freak out and runs up to my room and jumps on my bed. I tackle him, to find that his entire backside is covered. GOD DAMN IT. I knew he needed a freaking haircut....UGGH Why did I put off the haircut?????? His fur is too long and the poop got stuck in it! Then I think "OH F@#K" he is in my bed. Look at the bed, YUP...Poop on my blanket. So I carry the disgusting mutt to the bathroom and put him in the tub to wash out the filth. I also scrub my leg. Mason is watching the whole scene and thinks this is the funniest thing that has ever happened, and is yelling and jumping up and down saying "Baxter is covered in poop. Baxter poop is on mommy" repeatedly. Glad to entertain you, Mason. Now the dog is clean, I have to wash the blanket from the couch, and my bedding. ALL of it, I am NOT taking any chances.
8:45. Feed Mason breakfast and go get my gym clothes on. To HELL if I am letting this chain of catastropic events keep me from the gym. It is the 1st time in 3 weeks that I am doing anything more than yoga due to my dud back, and I NEED A REAL WORKOUT...AARGGHHHH!!!! So I am dressed, bag packed, go downstairs to dress the boy and halfway down the stairs, I step in something wet (OF COURSE I am not wearing socks yet). I look down, and see that I am standing in dog puke. With a bare foot.
I CAN NOT MAKE THIS STUFF UP...THIS IS MY LIFE!!!! As I am scrubbing the puke out of the carpet I hear a very loud smash and a little voice say "what happened to Mr. Pumpkin"? I run into the kitchen to find that Mason has reached my "out of Mason's reach" ceramic pumpkin and thrown it on the floor. So I drop the puke rags and quick mini vac the sharp pieces up before someone gets cut. I REFUSE to clean up any other disgusting things today, not adding blood to the list.
9:30... Rush out the door with Mason and his new Halloween Bat so he can show the kids at the gym. The bat has been with us since Sunday, a gift from his Nanny. The bat has not left Mason's grasp since. It is his new best friend.
Have a great workout, run into the gym's daycare to fetch the boy, he tells me his bat fell under the train. The train is the jungle gym. There is a locked gait to get "under the train". The manager has the only key. The manager is out today. We can get the bat tomorrow. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Someone get the kid his bat, because I KNOW that this will cause Mason to go BERZERKO until he gets it back. For those who know Mason, you know that he may be the most stubborn, 2 year old in the whole world and he can throw an Oscar winning dramatic tantrum.
So, I try to ignore him screaming "I want my bat, go get my bat, I need my bat, etc etc" I am driving home batless, and Mason is crying so hard that he is choking. I call my mom at work, ask her wear the bat was purchased, then drive to Walgreens with the sobbing maniac. I find an identical bat and do some quick acting. (the people at Walgreens must think I am a loon).. "Hey, Mason, do you see that???? Mr Bat just called me on my cell phone in the car and told me he missed you so much that he flew out ot the cage under the train and flew here so we could pick him up on the way home because he knows we live by this store". Mason stops sobbing, smiles and says " he flew out to find me?" SUCCESS...See people??? All my dramatics pay off, apparently I am a phenomenal actress because Mason bought the entire story!!!!
Go home with Batty, Mason has lunch, and passes out in record time for his nap.
And here I am, still doing the poop laundry.
BUT....supermom somehow managed to save day!
I can only imagine what the rest of the day has in store for us. There is NEVER a dull moment in the life of supermom!

6-4-2010...A poop story

A typical day in the life of Cara. I worked last night, later than usual. Got up earlier than usual. Damn. Have to work tonight too. But wait, maybe I could actually take a nap today??? There is light at the end of this tunnel!!! WHOO HOO...Countdown to nap begins: 8:30..Mason refuses his breakfast informing me he only wants cookies (umm, yeah right, sooo not happening lil man)
9:00..reluctantly get some cheerios and fruit in the boy 10:30..go on a nice walk with the Mase and the Bax, ending shortly because Mason can't catch any squirrels and he throws an AWARD WINNING tantrum (thanks a lot you cowardly squirrels)
11:15...I inform Mason lunch is ready..he then stomps into the kitchen and says in his 2 year old demon vioce "i don't want lunch mommy, I want cookies". I tell him he may have a cookie after he eats his lunch. He then bites my thigh leaving a HUGE bruise. I cry a little and he kisses the bitemark and says he is sorry. Instantly forgiven.
11:45..Mason insists on watching Toy Story AGAIN...I swear if I watch that friggin movie one more time I AM GOING POSTAL!!!!!!!!
12:30...Oh thank you god, it is nap time! Upstairs we go(Mason whining all the way)
Go through routine..books, singing, back rub, all the good stuff.
1:00... Mason still yap yapping away (I can hear him through the monitor). As I am laying all snuggly and ready for MY MUCH NEEDED nap, I hear a little voice through the monitor say " Poopie on Mason. Poopie on T Rex. Poopie on blanket"
I think, NO WAY, he is just toying with me.. So I sneak up the stairs and smell the evidence instantly. Enter Mason's room to find out YES INDEED, poopie on all the mentioned things!!
As I stand at Mason's crib, gasping in horror, I don't have any F***ing clue what to do..it is not just poop, it is the MOTHERLOAD of all poops and Mason has taken off his diaper and shorts and it looks like a poop tornado hit his crib!
45 mins later...Mason washed, clothes changed, sheets, blankets, etc changed. Toys removed from crib and cleaned. Put Mason back down for a nap. He happily goes right to sleep. I fold my blanket from the couch as I realize I am getting no nap today. Sigh.
Then I start this blog...because I really can't make this stuff up!!
On that note, have to go get ready for work as I have a 9 hour shift on my feet. And Happy Flippin Friday everyone!
xoxoxoxoxoxo as always
Supermom

Where to start??? The story of us,,,,,

AHHHHH where to start??? Sorry folks, this is going to be all over the place but I must start somerwher. Guess I will start from the beginning of the Malecki team...
It started in 2000, a longggggg time ago when that dashing man swept me off my feet (ok, enough of the dramatics, we met at the bar that I worked at and I asked that big putz out on our first date).
FForward to 2005- Wedding..ahhh soooooo in love
FForward to 2006- Purchase Malecki Mansion (actually, it more resembles a shoebox, but it's cozy)
2008....February 7..the day the world changed..I BECAME MOMMY to Mason Robert Malecki, the most angelic 5lb 8oz baby imaginable.. life would never be the same as I knew it, and I would never be completely sane again.
I left my full time job to be home with my boy, working part time as a bartender 3 nights per week.
I sure wish I started this blog in the early days, because an awful lot happened and due to my momnesia(aka mommy brain)my memory is not so hot.. there is a little secret that moms neglect to tell unsuspecting mothers to be: YOU BECOME A SPACE CADET INSTANTLY after giving birth, and forget is your new middle name!!!!!!
Anyways, the first two years were a true delight..my perfect child could do no wrong. I was convinced I had the sweetest, most beautiful, lovable, brilliant child in the whole world. And then he turned two. (Que evil dracula music)
No and mine became Mason's favorite words, along with mega tantrums, nap refusal, BITING, torturing my poor dog Baxter, and EVERY OTHER FRESH BEHAVIOR imaginable! Who the hell is this demonic child, and where is my sweet baby???
I wake up every morning wondering if I will have my sweet angel Mason, or his evil twin??? Could go either way on any given day.
When he is sweet, he is so sweet though...it makes all the "bad days" forgivable.
Mason started speaking very early on, and he talks NONSTOP...
Now I know those who know both me and Scott must be in ABSOLUTE shock over this information, where in the world could he have inherited this gift of gab????????
My parenting style is: Perfect :) Hahaha, that is what I like to think, but if you ask my dear husband he will tell you that I am the most anal mother in the world (nicknaming me analingous)
I must be in control of EVERYTHING (evil laughter, ahahahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaa)
My poor Scott has been "in charge" of Mason while I work 3 nights a week for over 2 years now, and to this day he will come home to a complete list of instructions and time table for all of Mason's "requirements".
Wow, guess I am pretty freaking anal.
And Scott is a great dad, but I would never give him 100% credit, that is not my style. Instead I will pick out the one teeny tiny little thing (like leaving a crayon on the floor) and nitpick away... (again que the evil laughter, ahhahahahahaha)
Don't pity Scott, he is not so innocent. Scott is very friendly and outgoing, quite comical, but also VERY opinionated and he has a "big" personality. I am quite sure that he has made a lasting impression on everyone that he has ever met
Ok, I have to wrap it up somewhere. So ther you have it. Team Malecki in a nutshell.
Warning...future posts may be very graphic... As a mom I have NO SHAME!!!!!!!!!
xoxoxoxoxo Cara (supermom)