Sweetie pie Mason Bratface Mason
There are all of these fun little sayings like terrible twos, and trying threes, but what in the world is the phrase for the four year old stage... Fearless fours? Fowl potty mouth fours? I am the boss and think I run the show at four? I am four and know everything? Whine about everything constantly fours???? Probably all of the above.
This is certainly new territory. Baby stage is gone, completely (sniff sniff). The mind of a four year old, well my particular four year old, truly amazes me every day (obviously Mason is the smartest kid alive, just saying). There is a huge amount of independence. There are so many amusing and adorable things that come out of the mouth of the Mase that I could never capture all of them. But then, Dr. Jekyll takes over this four year old brainy, witty, adorable angel and I am horrified by the behavior and actions, and especially fresh mouth. And why does it take five times of telling someone to do something to actually do it? Just to add more grays to my head? Somehow, Mommy and Daddy are the only privileged people that get the intolerable side of Mason. Perfect report from the teachers at school, and of course the grandparents. But for Mommy and Daddy? Just call us the local pigeon statues. I laugh like a lunatic (in my mind) when someone suggests a time out, sorry, doesn't work here. My little delight sits there with his hands crossed and asks for more time in time out, with the ever so devilish smirk. So I do what any other mom with a feisty child would do....enter psycho mom...grab a toy, talk in a seriously scary I have lost my f*ing mind voice, and dangle the toy around like a mad person, and explain that "NOW YOU HAVE NO TOY" as I toss it in the trash. Hey no judgement, it is working.
And is my child the only kid who cannot physically sit still more more than 5 seconds, ever? I am telling you this kid does not get tired. He wakes up at 7 with more energy than anyone I have ever encountered, and goes ALL DAY LONG. No pauses. By 10am I feel like someone has vacuumed the life out of me. There are simply no words for the exhaustion caused by another's abundance of energy. This is why the good lord (or some other mom of a wild boy) invented coffee.
There is one other fine feature of a four year old boy. They LOVE disgusting bodily functions. Much to my horror, nothing in the world is funnier to Mason than letting one rip, and then announcing it to the whole world. And I guess the ultimate joke is on me, as I find nothing more embarrassing or inappropriate to talk about or publicize. I am a girly girl, darn it. For example, while shopping at Target one afternoon, my foot scuffed the floor. Honest to god it did. Well, the Mase heard it and yelled at the top of his lungs "Mom just farted, mom just farted" like a hundred times. I leaned in and whispered "stop saying that right now, I did not, my shoe made that sound". Of course he thought this was impossible, and started yelling "that wasn't your shoe mom, it was a fart. DOORKNOB, DOORKNOB". (Thanks Daddy for teaching our boy the disgusting "doorknob" ritual). So I just smiled and kept walking, turning a nice shade of crimson. I finished shopping and made an emergency visit to the Wine Country, it was definitely going to be a wine kind of night.
Hey, I guess I should be used to being humiliated. Nothing will ever top the great "de-pantsing" of 2009. Still don't go to Shop Rite, for the record.
Well, its definitely not all bad. The lovey sweet side of Mason outweighs the bad (usually). He has such a kind hearty, especially for animals (obviously since we have acquired a cat, fish, and frog, not to mention the ones that have gone to animal heaven already). And he gives endless amounts of hugs and kisses, and says to me "Mommy you look beautiful today" regularly, and that is certainly priceless (especially when I see myself in the mirror and think "that boy is blind" with my sleepy eye circles) but hey, I will take it. If Mason sees a flower, he can not resist picking it for me, and it warms my heart every time. He will tell you that he has THREE, yes, THREE girlfriends already...sigh...luckily they are all sweet little girls.
In closing, the good times are really good. But the bad times are quite trying. Still, being the mother of Mason is the best thing in the world, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Its ok that I haven't relaxed in 4 years, I am in a constant daily mom haze consisting of cooking, cleaning, playing, teaching, chauffeuring, class parties, soccer, dirt, obsessing, worrying, over analyzing....and loving every minute of it!
